she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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