Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize