It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Randomize
