So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
