she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
As shirtless as possible
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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