You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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