you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
