Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
