someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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