I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
