She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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