There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
