She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
