Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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