Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
