we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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