did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
