Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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