TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
