Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
