if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
