so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
