Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
