She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
