VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's official drugs can't kill me
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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