I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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