Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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