Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
