do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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