Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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