I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
