Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
