Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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