she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
