My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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