phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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