someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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