I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
