listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
