Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
