so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
