she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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