it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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