just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
