Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
