I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
