I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
