I want to walk on stilts...naked
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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