I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
