just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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