im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
