Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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