I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
