I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
