I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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