he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
