i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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