last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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