Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
