Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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