Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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