I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
