how can u be prego again
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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