I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
