I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
