operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
