Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
wakey wakey hands off snakey
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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