2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
