do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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