dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize