My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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