She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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