I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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