Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize