I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
