he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
