I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
