did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
