I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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