Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
