First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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