so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
