ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
