you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize