Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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