then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
