so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
