farters have to be the big spoon...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize