I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
