If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize