Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize