if you like me you must not know who I am
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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