new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
