You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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