Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize