the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
