I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
