bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
