The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
MIDGETS
????
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
