they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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