We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize