I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize