So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
