I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
